All The Single Ladies (And Guys) August 29, 2009

I’m single. And I serve a large church, where a lot of other single people find themselves. We continue to work to find effective ways get single people connected in service and small groups, to find ways to help process and work through the very difficult challenges that men and women face as they recover from divorce or deal with singleness that goes past the age of 30, when it appears that society expects you to be married. Getting connecting, meeting and trusting people? Not always easy. When you have issues stemming from divorce, it can be extremely complicated.

It’s tough. People want to find God, to learn more about serving and growing. But people also want healing, and help, and partnership and connection. Often, single folks just want something to do. Being alone can be very lonely.

It’s a struggle for me, in a position of leadership at church, to know exactly how to best serve folks like me.

I read something today on Kathy Guy’s blog that really helped me understand how a church can best serve single people. Here’s what she has to say to the single folks at their church:

It’s likely that 90% – or at least a bunch of you – are here with the hope of meeting someone of the opposite sex. That’s not an insult or a judgement. It’s understandable and nothing wrong with it. It’s reality.

At the same time, the intent of our group environments is not to provide a dating service. Our hope is for you to discover more fully how much you matter to God, and we believe that this happens best as you build relationships with each other.

If inside of meeting others, you happen to meet the person of your dreams, well that’s just a big touchdown for you! If you measure your experience based on that, however, you’ll be disappointed. You will have an opportunity to get to know some people, and you’ll start seeing them when you come to church. You’ll feel like you know some people, and it just makes it better.”

Our hope is for you to discover more fully how much you matter to God.

Anything else is a bonus.

That’s a great way to do church.

What do you think?

Best Thing I’ve Read This Week July 31, 2009

Need something to provoke you this weekend?

Looking for something besides “Dateline: NBC” and a rerun of “Jon & Kate Plus 8″ tonight?

Read this blog post by Donald Miller.

What story do you believe?

Temporarily Changed Dynamics July 21, 2009

This week I’ve had time to wonder how my life might have been different.

If I’d had only one child.

If David had no siblings.

If I’d had my last child first.

If I didn’t work with Brian Hughes.

If I had to drive across the river for work every day.

If I didn’t seem to eat as an emotional outlet.

If I wasn’t relatively healthy.

With just David at home, it’s been fascinating to see the different dynamic. He’s calm and gentle and quiet. He doesn’t mind being alone. He’s a wonderful, warm kid. I think he spends his ‘normal’ life getting lost in the shuffle. I’ve enjoyed this time, and it prompts a huge desire in me to do better by him.

Brian is on vacation this week, and without the dynamic of our work relationship I can see a difference of sorts – in meetings, in energy level, in adrenaline, in intensity. I’m not sure what life and work would really be like for me without that partnership; I don’t think I’d be doing what I’m doing.

Taking David to Art Camp at Hope Church this week and loving the rhythm of getting up and getting on 288 every morning. I’m sure it gets tiring after a while, but it’s a new routine and I like it.

I’m not very hungry this week. I think I’m usually not really hungry, but that I eat out of stress nad nervous-ness and just all-the-stuff-going-on. I feel better. Healthier.

Frustrated, waiting on some results of medical tests that will give me some answers about some funky physical issues I’ve been having. The doctor seems to be in no hurry to get back to me, but I was told before I left last week that something was wrong. I’m not enjoying the wait. Tell me now. Please.

Reading this book this week; John Irving was always one of my favorite authors. The World According to Garp came out when I was in high school and it was a defining moment for me, meeting those characters. I even bought a Garp t-shirt and wore it – frequently – to school. Can’t quite get into this book – after Owen Meany and The Cider House Rules, it’s been tougher to stay focused on his novels. But I’m giving it a good try.

Thinking a lot about the letter Paul wrote to the Colossians this week, too. Good stuff.

So if you’re serious about living this new resurrection life with Christ, act like it. Pursue the things over which Christ presides. Don’t shuffle along, eyes to the ground, absorbed with the things right in front of you. Look up, and be alert to what is going on around Christ—that’s where the action is. See things from his perspective. Your old life is dead. Your new life, which is your real life—even though invisible to spectators—is with Christ in God. He is your life. Colossians 3.1-3

Trying to look up. I think it matters.

Making Me Think Tonight July 11, 2009

Successful Church July 7, 2009

Putting on my leadership hat to share this recent post from Craig Groeschel of lifechurch.tv. (Check out his blog here.)

This really, REALLY made me think today.

I’m glad when God kicks me out of my comfort zone.

But it ain’t comfortable….

I will never be satisfied with a church filled only with people who know Christ. God longs for the “lost to be found.” But for years I found the greatest joy in more people coming to church.

Today, I’m redefining success to not just more people, but different people.

A few years ago, our church was experiencing record crowds of people. But we also had many people who’d been with us for years falling into major sins.

We seemed to be effective at getting people into Church, but were we truly getting people into Christ?

I’ve been set free from being totally driven by attendance. Instead I’m asking God to take those we have into a deeper place of intimacy and knowledge of Christ. I’d rather have fewer and totally committed believers than a large number of lazy, apathetic, carnally minded and unproductive cultural Christians. – Craig Groeschel

What do you think? What makes a church “successful”?

This Moment June 29, 2009

I saw this film today while checking up on Sarah in Germany (via Facebook ). She posted it on her page.

I will go through the rest of this day with these images – this unbelievable contrast – in my head and heart.

“When we forsake the lives of others, we actually forsake our own.”

I am so messed up. There is so much to do. There is so much beyond doing.

Worship Music – What Works For You? June 21, 2009

So I’m wondering, as I contemplate music for the rest of this series:

What THREE songs would YOU choose as those which best allow you to connect with God in an awesome worship experience at your church?

This Is Why We Do It June 14, 2009

These 50+ people went to the river today to be bapitzed and publicly declare that they were following Jesus. They waded into the water to stand beside one of our pastors. When asked, “What is your testimony?”, they replied, “Jesus is Lord” or “Jesus is my Savior”.

Then they dipped back into the water and came up drenched.

Some of these folks I know well. Some of them have shared their stories with me.

Some of them are acquaintances only; we worship together each week.

But we share the same community. We are brothers and sisters. And today, we celebrated together in the most amazing bonus I could ask for.

Glen Titus came up out of the water with a fishing hook stuck to his sandal. The line and a weight trailed out into the water. He unwrapped them and declared, “I’m keeping this! It’s a sign! Fishers of men!”

Jesus is Lord. There is no greater thing.

Undergoing Major Change May 28, 2009

At last year’s Leadership Summit I was introduced to Carly Fiorina.  She was a dynamic, engaging speaker and I was captivated, listening to a strong woman talk about leadership and empowerment.  I picked up her book, Tough Choices, and have referred to it off and on throughout the past several months.  

Truth be told, I’m just reading it VERY slowly – it’s sort of a monthly devotional book for me, with constant encouragement and information about leadership.  

Okay.  Honest truth?  It’s in the bathroom.

Midway through the book Fiorina talks about the creation of Lucent Technologies, which arose out of AT&T getting rid of a collection of assets called Newco. She was tapped to be Executive VP of Corporate Operations.  Here’s what she says:

“For some, the words aspiration and inspiration are mumbo jumbo; or hype; or soft, nonoperational stuff. These are people who forget that every income statement and balance sheet in the world is produced by the everyday hard work of everyday people. And people achieve more when they’re motivated by a purpose worthy of their efforts. They align their individual actions in to a more powerful collective effort when they know they strive for a common and commonly understood goal. Nowhere are aspiration and inspiration more important than in a large, complex organization undergoing major change. In large companies myriad actions taken and countless small decisions made must add up to the bottom line. And in a period of change, each employee must break old habits and learn new skills, and every employee’s actions and decisions must align in new ways to produce something different.”

In the midst of everything that we are doing as PCC staff members, in spite of what we’re feeling and experiencing on a personal level, regardless of the current status of our personal relationship with God, we are in the middle of some major changes at PCC. We are the folks who are not only doing the “everyday work of everyday people”, but we are also inspiring and leading volunteers who are doing the same thing as they serve at PCC.

We each have unique goals for our ministry areas that are hopefully clearly and commonly understood by those folks who serve with us. But I think it’s important to still remember that we are, technically speaking, a “large, complex organization undergoing major change.”

Our mission is to reach and lead. That is the purpose worthy of our efforts. Lives are changing because of what God’s spirit is doing through PCC.

I just want to challenge each of us – myself included – to continue to live in the awareness of the challenges of change, and to take to heart the necessity of breaking old habits, learning new skills and aligning our actions and decisions in new ways. God is using us – and he is also changing us, through this time of change. It’s a remarkable thing that ultimately results in eternal impact for our community. We are led by a senior pastor and an executive pastor – but we are also given the great responsibility and even the luxury of leading ourselves.

I’m focusing on praying for us as a body today, and thankful that God’s drawn us all together for the sake of His name.

Cross-posted at Words Matter

Porn Is Bad. Don’t Do It. May 3, 2009

Today’s service – on porn – was particularly meaningful to me. 

I was exposed to porn as a child.  It had a profound affect on me. It really messed with my self-image. To this day, I’m impacted by the thought that I’m supposed to look/act/be like those earliest images. It’s been a real struggle at times.  

I can safely say that I’m through the worst of that, but it’s been a challenge to my confidence and view of myself as a beloved daughter of God.  I’m not going into the details here, but I would like to say this:

Porn is bad.  Don’t do it.

Seriously, I think the impact on the person who is using is devastating – but the greater risk is to those around you who might be exposed.  I’m speaking, specifically, about the kids around you who might stumble upon your books or magazines or web pages or dvds or cable channels.  And don’t kid yourself.  It’ll happen.

This is a hot button issue for me, so I’m going to get on my soap box. I’m not often dogmatic about right and wrong, but on this issue, it’s black and white as far as I’m concerned.  Let me share just a bit about what I know porn can do to a young person.

Porn creates a secret.  Dysfunction begins with secrets.  Secrets bind anxiety.  One of the greatest ways to screw up a family – whether it’s you, a single dad with kids; or you, a single mom with kids; or you, big brother or sister; or you, grandpa; or you, a cool aunt; or you, with your roommates:  no matter who you are, when you invite porn into your life, you crack the door open to influence all the people who are part of your life.  It’s a huge risk.

Porn violates innocence.  For my part, I learned how to define myself, my body image, my idea of beauty through porn.  I’ve fought that battle all my life.  Others are going through the same struggles.  Are you willing to wreck the natural development of a kid just to feed your lust?  

Porn warps natural sexual devlopment. Early discoveries of sexual images define and shape one’s understanding of their sexuality.  This post is not an appropriate place for that sort of detailed discussion, but use some common sense.  Here’s an easy example:  How many girls see a Victoria’s Secret ad – on tv or in print – and don’t walk away thinking that’s the definition of a desireable, sexy woman?  And how many boys see that and expect that to be how a woman should look and act?  Take that road a bit further and think about what expectations boys and girls have regarding their intimate lives after being influenced by porn.

Porn is bad.  Don’t do it.

I never forgot what I’d seen and read.  It stayed with me into my adult life.  After I got serious about my relationship with God, I was actively involved in a church and committed to following Christ – but I grew to believe that there was a huge blackness in me where this sin lived. I felt, literally, as though the inner part of my heart was black. I was “okay” in every other way, but I had this filthy thing burned into me that was my cross to bear, my sin, my thorn, a part of me that would never be gone. I felt different than everybody else. I felt as though I could never say anything to anybody. I never told anyone.  The secret of porn had burned into my soul.

Through an amazing turn of events, God opened some doors for me to come clean and to live in freedom.  There is no blackness in me, no condemnation, no darkness.  There is only grace. Those images are gone.  The slate’s been wiped clean.  But it took some intentional steps and a willingness – even a desperation – to be free.  

If you want to hear the details of how God led me through this mess, let me know.

If you have any issue at all with pornography, do something about it.  

And if you need somebody to talk to, you can find me at beth {at} powhatancc {dot} com.

And yes, just for the record – I DO think Victoria’s Secret ads qualify as porn.