Confrontation 101 June 4, 2009

I had a great lunch meeting today. The food and atmosphere at Great Seasons Cafe in the Shoppes at Bellgrade were both top notch; it was great to see a friendly face (Ryan, my friend from Powhatan!) as I walked in. I highly recommend this place for lunch (the only option, other than Sunday brunch or catering). It was excellent.

The meeting part was great, too. A bit surprising, as I wasn’t aware that my friend and co-leader from PCC needed to confront me about something. But she did.

This woman leads with grace and a ton of energy. She’s positive and passionate and I have learned much from her. The real-life work she does affords me a glimpse into the life of a woman in business in a way that is foreign to me. I deeply appreciate her presence in my life and in our church.

Today, we talked over all sorts of chatty things and then she slipped in the primary reason for the meeting with a question. Turns out I had said something in a recent meeting that caught her by surprise. The topic at hand was in her area of leadership, and I neglected to give her prior knowledge of some action I had taken. She let me know that she was taken aback, was a tad bit concerned, and – without saying so – that I’d really screwed up. I stuck my foot in my mouth, big time.

I’ve been confronted before, for good reason. I’ve done all sorts of stupid, thoughtless things. But I have never been schooled with such grace and dignity. I sat down with a friend today who gently, without personalizing the offense, told me that I could have and should have done things a lot better than I did.

I apologized; it was due. I truly was sorry. But I walked out of that meeting with a deep feeling of gratitude because somebody took the time to carefully share with me the fact that I had made a mistake.

Too often, we are offended or we witness mistakes and we seize the opportunity to right the wrong and educate the offender. It feels good to be on the side of right, and our human nature might revel in that just a bit more than necessary.

Today, I was the recipient of grace, from a believer who is truly living out the concept of “love one another, as I have loved you.” That lesson sinks clear to the depths of my soul. Makes me want to be a better person.

I think that’s how we’re supposed to be doing life.

My Valentine’s Day February 14, 2009

I slept in.  From 8:30 – 9:00ish, I had a very weird dream.  Wrigley Field was in Kansas.  Kim Bontrager was showing me around the state, riding on a tiny train – like the kind you take around the zoo.  It was all good until we went down a very steep hill and I realized the train was some sort of roller coaster.  Kim insisted it was normal.

It was extraordinarily strange.

On to real life:  I headed to the County Seat Restaurant, reknowned for their weekend breakfast buffet.  My parents showed up, unexpected but cheerful.  We shared a cup of coffee together.

I got in the car with The Man of Many Surprises.  We headed west.  That’s all I knew.

Listened to Bruce Hornsby the whole way, wondering how I ever missed this guy.  Incredible musician, unbelieveably creative…anyway, on we drove.

Right around Charlottesville, we exited the highway and headed up the mountain.  I realized our destination:

We were at Monticelllo.  I was thrilled!  I’ve wanted to go ever since my first trip with the kids up to Carters Mountain.

We wandered the grounds for a few hours, listening to the Oprah-like saga of Sally Hemings’ daliances with Thomas Jefferson and the subsequent DNA testing results, visiting gravestones, checking out walls and gardens and 200-year old fireplaces.  The house tour was remarkable.

I left anxious to get my hands on that biography about Jefferson, or maybe ready to set aside time to watch the mini-series.  The entire experience was fascinating, well-done and a testimony to the right way to preserve history.  If you haven’t done Monticello, put it on your short list.  

It was a stellar day, capped off with a Snickers Blizzard.

Oh, yeah – then I got home and saw that my girls had cleaned the house.  People, it just doesn’t get better than that.

Color me content.

What Leadership Demands January 24, 2009

I came to my job at PCC with relatively low expectations for my role and responsibilities.  After worshiping from the seats for several months as an attender (and crying through the services, just like so many others) I eventually began to serve as a musician.  They needed a piano player, and I played, so there you go.

When a larger need presented itself, I was asked to help with some organizational and administrative stuff for the music team.  That role opened up to an offer to come on staff; I could hardly believe the offer was extended, but there were too many indicators that God was involved.  I left my secure, salaried, benefit-rich position in Chesterfield County and came to work for Powhatan Community Church.

I’ve never regretted it.

One of the most rewarding parts of my role here is the opportunity to stretch my leadership wings.  I had an early start in that area; growing up, I was always in charge of something.  Class officer, student council officer, president of this and that club, leader of this and that organization.  I was our high school’s nominee to the Hugh O’Brien Youth Leadership Seminar as a sophomore.  I was outgoing, outspoken and very involved.  Once I earned my teaching credentials, I was active and inventive and aggressive with new ideas and programs; I loved teaching and was eager to pursue the development of anything and everything we could dream up – especially when somebody said it couldn’t be done.

In the midst of all of this activity, circumstances in my life led me to the place where I embraced a real relationship with Jesus for the first time; although the church had a place in my life, up until this point it held no meaning other than what was culturally and traditional important to me and my family.  But around 1987, I met Jesus.  It changed my life.

I became very zealous, very focused and very excited about plugging back into a local church.  I was warmly welcomed into a small, loving church that was rooted in rather basic, fundamental, conservative theology – and culture.  I loved that church and the people, and strove to accept the teachings I heard and those that were modeled, based on my desire to live as a “good Christian” and really understand what it meant to sincerely follow Jesus.  I really wanted to do this right.

In that particular time and place, in a fairly fundamentalist environment, I learned to equate being a “good Christian” with a form of submission that required burying my tendency to lead.  Without ever being sternly instructed in such things, I slowly absorbed the notion that my Christian life could not safely include my past – a past that reeked of leading most everything I got involved in – primarily because of my gender.  So, I fought hard to be somebody completely new – clinging to that “new creature in Christ” idea.  I wanted to be not just a “good Christian”, but a “good Christian woman“.

I tried.  In doing so, my attempts to be somebody completely different harmed not only me, but those around me.  I know that in an effort to be a “good wife” according to misinterpreted standards, I failed to bring my authentic self to my marriage – and that contributed to its downfall.  I felt like an imposter in my own life.  I never understood how to connect my past – just the simple life I had during high school and college – with the person I felt I was supposed to be, post-Jesus.

Moving out of the Bible belt, experiencing grace, opening my eyes and ears to different, Bible-based teaching – and completely falling on my butt in terms of my pathetic attempts to “be a good Christian” – all these things combined to bring me to a new place.  And the circle began to close, somewhat, in this new place – when I arrived in Powhatan.  I’d begun to hear and understand hints of a richer, more authentic form of grace – a Jesus that was fuller and stronger and more complete than what I’d been taught.  I’d heard it in Cleveland, at Fellowship Bible Church.  I’d heard it from Jamie Rasmussen and Doug Flood.  I’d seen it lived out in women like Sharon Rowland and Tish Lushiano and Sharon Lloyd.

I was able to taste it when I was exposed completely, broken, and forgiven freely.

The circle of grace closed around me here in Powhatan, gathered me towards a new role and responsibility at PCC, and has spun me around, safely inside its walls, only to thrust me out into a new – and yet very familiar – place.  I live in this circle of grace, tethered to its center – my friend, my Lord, my savior – free to go out and work and live and be, all the while welcomed home.  It is such a different thing, this living in grace.  So much safer than being a “good Christian”.

What prompts all this?  A post I read tonight on this blog, one titled “What Leadership Demands”.  You see, between the faithful, patient friendship and encouragement of Brian Hughes, the partnership of Kevin Salyer, the kind, steadfast example of Angie Frame, the passion for the Word of Sammy Frame, the gentle spirit of Lori Wheeler, the quiet strength of Susan Hughes, the strong, steady hand of Chauncey Starkey, the unyielding can-do attitude of John Starkey, the honest, fiery indenpendence of Kim Meza and the kind, listening ear of Dennis Green, I have been held up, prayed for, pushed toward, yelled at, convicted of and loved into the sweet spot of life.

I am a leader.  God made me that way, years ago.  Even now, it seems presumptuous to type those words.  It frightens me, seems like I’m “getting too big for my britches”.  I’m afraid somebody might hear me, and cut me back down to size.

“You’re a leader?  Ha.  Who do you think you are?  You’re just a girl…just a piano player…just a teacher…that’s all.  Who do you think you are?”

But over and over again, it comes back.  I see it, I feel it, I experience it.  And I have finally learned to accept it, to marry my history with my present tense.  I feel that I am becoming, through the grace of God, all that He has intended me to be.  He has molded the broken, battered, sometimes unwilling clay of my life into a ragged pot – but I have finally learned the joy of yielding to the pressure of his direction, rather than fighting it.  For even with the purest of motives, fighting God makes you sweat.  It’s exhausting and draining.

I am a leader.  

And for you, for the Kingdom, for all who have invested in me and loved me and fought with me and pushed me – I want to be the very best leader I can be.  I read this post and cry, recognizing a few things, longing for others, knowing that God placed something inside of me that fits who I am with who I want to be, exactly where I am.

I simply cannot imagine anything better.

Must-See TV January 15, 2009

This is pretty much my favorite tv show now.  And ‘The Biggest Loser’.  Love that, too.  Makes me cry.

But ‘The Office’ has become a favorite, simply because of the unbelieveably painful humor to be found in real, live humans.  I can laugh at those characters, surrogates for some of the strange situations we encounter in real life.  The tv situation depicts a weirder workplace situation than I have ever encountered.  It’s sort of refreshing to be able to watch from afar and laugh a bit without hurting anybody’s feelings.  Loved the new episode tonight, when Angela’s two-timing is revealed and we get to witness Andy and Dwight work through their reactions.  It was so fitting to see the chickens come home to roost as they each symbolically cut their ties to the woman who betrayed both of them.

Our staff at church all received word this week of some pretty harsh pay cuts.  Everybody’s hurting – some more deeply than others.  It’s a lot to process, but a great opportunity for growth.  Our workplace situation is full of some amazing characters – some with interesting personality perks, quirky habits and interesting passions.  But every one of them is good and decent.  I trust them all and care for them deeply.  I think we all ache for one another as we each navigate the change in our paychecks.

It’s not ‘The Office’, but at times it’s just as entertaining.  And, in the end, it’s a lot more rewarding.

I love my job.

The Other Bald Guy December 8, 2008

My friend/coworker/fellow musician has created a cool new web site.

He’s bald, see.  And two other guys on our staff are also pretty much bald.  But since my friend/coworker/fellow musician buddy lives in the background most of the time, he’s known as “the other bald guy”.

You gotta work with what you’ve got.  Go check it out.

www.theotherbaldguy.com

When Jesus Wraps This All Up December 6, 2008

I have a friend who struggles with depression.  I have learned much in the process of walking beside her as she deals with the challenges of a medical condition that impacts her from every angle: relationships, attitudes, productivity, self-worth, faith, sleep, energy.  

Today I received an email from her, in which she shared part of an outpouring of gratitude to God for the lessons learned through this struggle.  She’s in a good place in this season, where she’s recovering energy and feeling productive and focused.

I have been humbled to realize how much more there is to consider as I interact with people.  There were many times of interaction with my friend when I had no idea of the internal struggle she faced.  It disturbs me to know that I’m often so caught up in my own junk that I don’t stop to consider – really consider, with more than just a cursory “how ya doin’?” – how somebody else is feeling.

The more open and honest we are with one another, the more God is able to refine us, to help us arm ourselves with the same attitude as Christ.  My friend wrote: 

“Thank you, Lord. The pain of what I’ve been through has been indescribable. I wouldn’t wish it on anyone. I wouldn’t want to go through it again. And it’s not completely over yet. But I’m enough on this side of it to begin to understand how You are using it…how You are shaping me through it.”

And as I read through 1 Peter this morning, I was struck by one of my favorite passages, in which Peter writes about the awesome inheritance, new birth and hope we have because of Jesus’ resurrection – “an inheritance that can never perish, spoil or fade, kept in heaven for you”.  I continued reading, and then turned to The Message to gain another perspective.  I was struck by the power of these words, as I considered what my friend has been through, how she is fighting to grasp the reality of how God works all things together for good for those who love Him and are called according to His purpose.  Here’s what Peterson gave us:

“I know how great this makes you feel, even though you have to put up with every kind of aggravation in the meantime. Pure gold put in the fire comes out of it proved pure; genuine faith put through this suffering comes out proved genuine. When Jesus wraps this all up, it’s your faith, not your gold, that God will have on display as evidence of his victory.”

I pray today for eyes that see, for ears that hear truth as I interact with others day to day.  And I pray that I will continually keep in mind that “aggravation of every kind” – in my life and others’ – is the catalyst for a process that ultimately results in a display of God’s victory.

*Want some encouragement in your own struggles?  Check out 1 Peter 1.3-9.  Read it in the NIV, and then check it out in The Message.  If you don’t have a copy, try Bible Gateway.

It Came In The Mail Today September 5, 2008

My friend Kelley has the gift of encouragement. And gift-giving. And card-sending. Plus she’s just an awesome girl and a great friend. A fun friend.

Tell me how jealous you are. Come on. You know you want one, too.